December Breeze
by Clifton G. McJames
Summary: A parallel to my life, emotionally and personally, set in a time after Endless Waltz, and dedicated to my friends, who provided the ultimate inspiration.
1. Chapter One

December Breeze

Clifton G. McJames

I hate December.

Especially in New York. Everything is all lit up and glows brightly as everyone gets ready to celebrate Christmas. Everyone is so happy, some are moderate, and others, like me, are either neutral or simply hate it all together.

For me, December means everything that went wrong in my life. I've ended two wars in December. The "Month of Unity." Yeah, right.

The only reason I'm even here is because of her...and, somehow, Quatre managed to track me down. I must be getting sloppy, with erasing my pasts.

But mostly, it's for her.

You see, this is the ultimate enigma in my life: Relena. I love her, yet I can't. I want her, yet I can't. She knows it, yet forgets.

It gets frustrating.

I'm currently standing across the street from the Earth Sphere Unified Nations building in Manhattan right now. Relena is the Vice-Foreign Minister to the country of the United States now—for some reason, she wasn't re-elected in the Sanq Kingdom. I wait in the cold night air, surrounded by glowing lights that just don't seem to reach me, bundled in a wool top coat, waiting for her.

Her limousine pulls up. Her security detail walks out from the glass doors. She finally comes out, her neck wrapped in a white scarf and her body contained in a matching coat.

This, for me, is the moment of indecision. Do I call out to her? Do I do what I usually do, and disappear? Do I write it off before I even let myself explore the possibilities?

"Relena!" I yell. She looks up. Our eyes lock.

And in that instant, nothing in the world could warm me more.


	2. Chapter Two

December Breeze Chapter Two

I walk across the street to be face to face with her. Her security detail looks on in question. She commands them down. They allow me within their tight circle.

I am standing right in front of the enigma. The unattainable. I have to find the words to describe how I feel. I must let her know.

Relena looks on, a small, unbelieving smile on her face. She is well prepared. I am not. I tell her that this is not my forte. She nods and waits.

I tell her...how I feel.

I tell her I "like her. A lot." I tell her that I enjoy the way she makes me feel when I'm with her. I tell her everything except those three cursed words.

"I love you."

I cannot say those. Already, I can see the distance in her eyes. The shields around her heart are rising. They are locking into place, and at the same time, locking me out. It is then that she tells me that I cannot expect to find my one true love, at such a young age. She tells me that she cannot possibly be that one true love.

I look on in disbelief. I am at a loss for words. Nothing witty or charming comes to my mind—why should it? I make my coward's retreat into darkness. I walk away, leaving her—and all my hopes of happiness—no matter how temporary—behind. I try to tell myself that she doesn't mean it. I try to convince myself there is still a chance.

Perhaps there is.

Most likely, there isn't.

I cross the street again, heading for my next destination, the home that seems to elude me still. I pass by the bright lights and the music that sings of wintertime love. I curse the songs as I walk.

I find myself talking to someone I consider as a sage counsel, someone I have grown to know and trust through the years. She listens to my quiet despair. I need not say everything; she understands. However, it is difficult to get a read from her. I wish her not to feel pity for me, but to make me feel better.

It works only slightly. I leave and continue walking.

And suddenly, I find myself enshrouded in total darkness. I have escaped the lights. I am all alone.

That is when I hear it.

"Get up...get back on your feet. You're the one they can't beat and you know it."

It is not a voice that everyone can hear; it is the back of my mind. Lying dormant, centuries old, probably, but still, the message is clear.

There is hope.

For me.

I find my way back into the light. I am still horribly burned. But there is still hope. And if I have learned one thing, in all my years...it is that hope can be the greatest power of all.


	3. Chapter Three

December Breeze Chapter Three

As I stated earlier, Quatre had managed to track me down and call me back to New York...something about a party. I find out, sourly, that it is to be held at the ESUN Building.

I make my preparations. The party is small, yet very formal. It isn't in the actual ESUN Building; it is in the education center, where the officials hold press meetings and groups of scholars or curious citizens can gather to retrieve information.

I get my hands on a very nice tuxedo. I dress quickly and make my way to the ESUN. I was instructed to be there early, at about 8:00. After about forty minutes of song and dance, the patrons go their separate ways, and don't interact with one another until the dinner. Although Relena and I have met eyes several times by now, we are seated at different tables.

To my delight, my sage counsel has been invited and is seated next o me. Quatre is also at the same table. He smiles and asks me of my troubles.

I almost tell him.

My sage counsel laughs lightly; she doesn't overdo it, for which I am grateful. When the feast is over, I ask her if it is all right if I swing by later.

She says, "Not tonight. I have to see someone tonight."

I nod and say "That's alright. Say hi for me," and watch her walk away. Having no further business at the table, I rise and make my way into the hallway.

As I trek the halls of education blindly, my mind once again settles on her. I shake myself from the illusion; no force on earth can compel her to be mine. Perhaps she is right.

Perhaps I should look for love...in other places.

Having no further business at the party, I leave. I walk the endless streets back to my domain, where I consider the new choices before me:

1. Mope about Relena, or

2. Move on.

...For health reasons, it might be wise to move on...though I feel as though I am betraying her, somehow...

I find my way to other dumps in the city. Places where bad people and bad things converge. I feel extremely out of place now, but then, when don't I? My eyes dart all over the city street, dank and dark, until I hear someone shouting my name from down the alley.

I turn and see Relena standing at the mouth of the alley. I see her, in every detail, despite the absence of light. I gasp slightly; I start making my way towards her when she fades from view.

A hallucination.

"Hey, baby," a seductive voice says from my right. I glance over at a pair of women that are looking me over. I pay them no further attention as I make my way out of the alley. They follow, in their skimpy clothing, calling out to me and begging me to come back.

I find my way back to where I have taken a temporary residence. There is nothing on the television at this time of night. I stare at the ceiling and wonder why I cannot seem to move on from Relena. There are sure to be others who can relate to me, yet, I cannot find them, or, I am too scared to say anything.

I close my eyes and drift off, unable to think of the answer to the seemingly unanswerable.


End file.
